My brain’s notification settings seem permanently glitched. Critical Alert: Patient’s pager at 3 AM → Wide awake in 0.3 seconds Standard Alert: Phone buzzing during rounds → Instant attention Emergency Alert: “Doctor, just one quick question…” → Full activation mode Meanwhile… Home Alert: “Can you take out the trash?” → No signal detected Sleep Reminder: “You need 8 hours” → Notification permanently muted Family Group Chat: 47 unread messages → Ignored like spam